Unspoken Rules of Being a Passenger In My Car

Storytime:

I was working at an event that was a 45 minute car ride out of the city and one my coworkers requested to ride with me. Sure, no problem!

The ride to the event was fine: music and light conversation... but the ride back home.

THE RIDE BACK HOME.

As soon as we stepped into the car, this girl promptly got on a phone. So I thought to myself, “okay, she’s just making a quick call”. Do you know that she stayed on a casual 3 way call the ENTIRE ride back to the city?

For 45 minutes, she laughed and gossiped with her friends. Needless to say, this was the first and last time she was in my car.

Since that frightful day, it has come to my attention that there is a shockingly high percentage of people who are unaware of car etiquette as a passenger.

And we need to talk about it.

There are unspoken rules and basic protocols that need to be communicated, now.

The 10 Car Commandments

1. Phone Call Protocol: 

   Don’t answer calls while in my car. If it’s work related or super important, keep it under 2 minutes and continue over text message. If you need longer, we can discuss in advance, but nothing over 7 minutes, EVER.

   
   

2. Music Management: 

   My car = my playlist. If you want to change the song, you'll need to navigate my Spotify yourself, and only after getting clearance.

3. Smells: 

   You can’t eat smelly shit in my car, sorry. I can, though... if I choose to do so, but you cannot. While we’re here, we may as well address the elephant in the room: your perfume. It’s too much normally, what would make you think that I want to hot box it in my car?

   
   

4. Road Trip Economics: 

   For trips over 3 hours, we're splitting gas 50/50 minimum. Ideally you’re covering more since I’m doing the real heavy lifting by driving, not to mention the wear and tear on my car. (Yes, I’m nickel-and-diming)

   
   

5. Drive-Thru Diplomacy:

   If you request an impromptu food stop, you must know your order before we reach the speaker and then offer to buy me something. If I choose anything other than finger foods (eg. chili at Wendy’s), you are in charge of spoon feeding me.

   
   

6. Snack Administration:

   You ARE the official snack handler, be ready to pass them with grace. This includes basic tasks like opening chip bags, inserting straws and picking out the red starbursts for immediate elimination.

7. Navigation Requests:

   When asked to navigate, that’s your one job - do not let me down! If we need to arrange for a detour or pit stop, use YOUR phone to gather pertinent information like addresses, parking details and hours of operation before inputting the new address into my Google Maps.

   
   

8. Dozing Off:

   This is a touchy topic, but in my car, you can sleep. However, if you choose to nap, say goodbye to ALL privileges - you have absolutely no say in the music/playlists we listen to, in fact.. I’m finishing the audiobook I started last week. No more pit stop requests.

   
   

9. Garbage Collection:

   This is your domain, please take your responsibilities seriously. Any time we stop, you are to collect unwanted items for disposal, wipe up any spills, and brush away crumbs.

   
   

10. Videos and Photos:

    Capturing content? No problem, but please consider my angles. There’s only so much I can control for as I’m driving, don’t have me looking crazy!

Please spread the word and consider creating a personalized social contract for your passengers.

Let’s band together to eradicate this epidemic.

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