Sorting The Squad: Why Compartmentalizing Your Friendships is Actually a Good Thing

I’ve been a public advocate for the categorization of friendships for YEARS. It sounds a little icky, I know - so I try to tread lightly, but implementing this strategy might be the most liberating thing you do for your relationships.

A Set-up for Disappointment - where it all began

A few years ago, I had met up with a friend to strategize and goal set - that was the intention of the session. I’m talking post-it notes, sharpies, and an endless supply of paper and notebooks.

Rubbing my hands together in excitement, I asked her, “What’s your biggest goal for the next 3 years? Something you want to accomplish… and be specific”

She responded (verbatim), “Have sex with Drake on a plane”

I. AM. NOT. LYING.

That was her main goal (and it was specific).

At the time, I thought to myself, “No fucking way. There’s no way I have close friends who consider ‘having sex with Drake’ as a life goal.”

This girl said nothing about career, business, life or levelling up. Yikes.

Sub-consciously (or consciously), that was a re-defining moment in our friendship.

One-Size-Fits-All Friendships, Impossible

Picture this: You're moving and need help. You immediately think of your friend who's amazing at organizing but terrible at responding to emotional texts. Meanwhile, you have another friend, who might forget what day she promised to help, but she's your go-to for middle-of-the-night crisis calls. It’s a no-brainer.

Not every friend needs to be your everything friend! And it’s kinda selfish to even have that expectation.

My Different Friend Categories

The Explorers: They’re perfect for trying new restaurants, spontaneous road trips, and saying "yes" to wild ideas. Don't expect them to help you move or listen to your relationship drama, though.
Admittedly, where I’m at in my life, these are the friends I’m the least close to because I don’t really have spare time - but I’ll be back ‘round, baby!
The Soul Crew: These are your 2 AM philosophy discussion, life-scheming, problem-solving friends. They might not be great at casual hangouts, but they're there for life's big questions. More times than not, they’re experienced, knowledgeable and you trust their judgement.
Currently, this is where my heart is.
The Constant Circle: They show up. Every. Single. Time. These friends might not be the most exciting, but they're your constant. Many of my childhood friends fall into this category along with people I was once super close with but we’ve naturally drifted apart - the love is still there.

Setting Realistic Expectations (And Saving Your Sanity)

When you stop expecting your party friend to be your emotional support person, you’ve already begun winning. You'd be amazed at how much better your friendships become when you accept people for who they actually are and not who you wish they were OR who they’ve been to/for you in the past.*

When Categories Shift

Sometimes, friends naturally move between categories. That workout buddy might become a deep conversation friend. Your childhood bestie might shift to more of a casual catch-up friend. It's all part of the process and each movement will impact your life differently. Some relationship changes will feel easier and more natural, and others can result in hurt feelings and awkward vibes.

This is where you need to tap into communication, adjusting expectations, and a lot of personal reflection.

Assigning Categories Without Feeling Like an Asshole

Be honest with yourself: Acknowledge each friend's strengths and limitations (while having grace). Be real, stop setting yourself up for disappointment!
Adjust your expectations: Don't ask your chronically late friend to be your wedding coordinator. Just don't.**
Allow for evolution: As you and your friends grow, let the categories flow naturally. Someone who was once your everyday confidante might become a quarterly catch-up. If you’re a person who relies on your friendships, never stop acquiring them and adding new people into the rotation when needed.

We're all complex people with different needs, priorities, and visions. What it takes to fill one friendship cup might be a totally different recipe than what it takes to fill another.

Now, go forth and sort that squad - guilt-free!

* This one is still a huge ouchy for me. And granted, I’m writing about it and preaching it, but I’m gonna be honest with you here: I’ve struggled to re-classify some of my closest friendships/relationships because “why would I ever settle for something less, when I know what it’s like to have the full thing?” It’s hurtful when someone who has been so central to your life re-arranges their priorities or grows differently. The misalignment takes some getting used to. Ahhhh, this is why I write… to work through my traumas.

** Sometimes we need to finesse a little, and when we know the weaknesses and downfalls of our friends, we might just be able to get ahead of the problems. We've all lied about reservation times to the friend who's always late and I'm here for it.

PRODUCT RECOS: