HOT TAKE: Embarrassment and Resentment are two of the most useless feelings of the human experience.
Hear me out while we work in real time to discuss everything "embarrassment" and "shame".
To me, embarrassment is persistent negative feelings, thoughts, and overwhelm (the “ick”, if you will) associated with our past and sometimes present. There is literally no way to remove embarrassment entirely (unless of course you can change the past). Other than consuming your thoughts and haunting your psyche, embarrassment is pointless.
Shame, I believe in. She’s the real queen in the room. Shame can be good, bad, funny, insightful and life changing. She’s got something to offer. While shame can still possess elements of embarrassment, there’s still a sense of hope. Unlike embarrassment, shame can be shifted by circumstances and actions that we hone full or partial control over.
Some of my earliest childhood memories revolve around feelings of embarrassment that I still CANNOT shake. Even as an adult with a fully developed brain and life experience, I’ve let simply the fear of embarrassment press pause on my game.
What will they think?
What will they say?
What if I fail?... In front of everyone?
Is this cringey?
Will I look stupid?
Don’t be desperate. Don't be desperate. Don’t be desperate.
FUUUUUUUCK THAT!
*lights skinny cigarette and reclines in chaise*
Forget embarrassment. Focus on shame.
The real question is, what are you gonna do about it?
Both action and inaction are perfectly acceptable answers.
Ask yourself the following questions when deciding whether to:
Switch Your Game or Own Your Shame**
Are my feelings of shame rooted in societal expectations or my own personal values?
What are the potential consequences of switching versus staying the course?
Do I actually care?
Is my desire to switch driven by passion or fear?
How will this decision align with my long-term goals and values?
At this time, do I even possess the power to create change?
What steps can I take to address things constructively?
Putting it in your hands:
Create a list of things you're ashamed of and answer the above questions.
Remember when I said that shame can be funny? Here’s a list of things I’m currently ashamed of (there’s plenty more where these came from, fyi):
Being particular - I sometimes hide this if I’m around someone new and don’t want to come on too strong or like "too much", but just know.. I always have a spreadsheet and/or notes in my google drive.
My car - omg, that thing has got a bunch of scratches. My brother removed the snow from my car using a bladed shovel, so my whole shit is fucked up.
The way I eat (I’ll never host a dinner party) - I enjoy powdered potatoes, boiled hotdogs, canned tuna, scrambled eggs (with no salt or pepper), MAYOOOOO. I used to try new recipes when people came over, and the whole time I’d just be thinking about how good it’d be to dig into a soggy sandwich!!! Such a poser.
When I don’t lotion my skin - I tell myself, “it’s okay, you’re just letting your skin breathe” *
Occasionally, I lie - It’s only because the truth would hurt your feelings. I really try to limit my lying to frivolous things, but honestly, sometimes it’s totally worth it.
* please don’t revoke my Black card
I'd love to hear some of your shameful moments too.
To listen to my podcast episode that inspired this post, see below:
Lot's of Love,
Cas
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